When I signed up to be a parent, I  was like many others who would seek to ensure a sense of control for their child’s life.

At a young age of 24, and graced with a newly born baby boy, my mothering instincts reassured me I was his ultimate source for all knowledge.  As a newly mom, eager to meet his daily growing needs, I couldn’t wait to be his teacher and he the student. Well, as we all know too well, sometimes the parent gets taught by the student. My first born early on in his life began to teach from the get go even while in the delivery room. Thirty-six long, painful hours later and he was the one to decide when he was ready to greet us. My birthing knowledge was not a contender to his will. No amount of strolls within the halls, stretches on the birthing ball, Kegel exercises or drugs was going to make a difference in his decision to leave a warm sustaining environment for a cold, self-sufficient world.  Before his name was on the birth certificate, my little guy was already teaching me determination.

Lord give me patience, teach me to not lose it with this life you have given me. Help me to not scream at him or loose my temper.  This became my mantra as the toys plagued the floor daily like the invasion of chicken pox on a small child’s body. No matter how many times I scratched the surface to get to the bottom, it would never contain itself long enough to be called clean. The biting, hitting, and ignoring the dreaded word “NO” was my little human’s way of expressing himself but had a funny way of teaching me patience. The terrible twos were busting out all the while I was stumbling to keep my balance. Although he was precious, bless his heart, this strong-willed human once again brought me to my knees.

As the years go by, birthdays are celebrated among the first baby steps taken, first days in elementary, Middle school, High School to the even the first girlfriend.  During all those years of exciting times and daily frustrations, my little boy began to grow up. His personality blossomed from an inquisitive child to a confident, independent, caring young man.  The trials we face together teach me that no matter when I think I have it all figured out and can control the situation, I’m brought to my knees. To be a parent would require more than just a level of parenting know hows taken from a book. I need my faith and the direction that I receive from a higher power.

Kindergarten

First grade

4th grade

7th grade

9th grade

Venturing into another unknown territory are the years ahead. My young man has turned 16 and holds the right to drive a car, but with me as the passenger of course. Holding a driver’s permit and looking to spread his wings has left my emotions ranging from being apprehensive, nervous to sometimes accepting of the fate that comes with having a teen. Baby steps seem to be so much safer then the steps we are walking through right now. Although I hold the parent keys, God uses him to teach me and guide me to be a better person. I had heard from someone that “Children are holy sandpaper. Raising your kids will expose every flaw and weakness you have. And that’s a GOOD thing.”

There are times I wish I could do it over. Go back to those days when one of the struggles was making sure he held my hand when he crossed the street. The dangers seem so much less. With every milestone, not only are my knees rough and the carpet’s worn but my outlook is positive and joy overflows.  The love I have for my little boy, young man has grown right alongside his need to fly out of my arms and into the worlds. Here’s to many more milestones ahead! Love you Colin!